Self-hatred is good for self-improvement (in the beginning)

Why do I view myself in a negative light?

Self-hatred has been my source, my desire for self-improvement, my entire life - and it works wonders.

In fact, self-rejection is an excellent source of motivation. To always feel like you are not enough, is a great way to get yourself to work to improve.

It is because of this, I am where I am today. So in some way, I am grateful. I am grateful for all the self-hate I‘ve had since being a child - for without it, who would I be now? If I didn't have that fire early on, would I have had dwindled out and dimmed and died early on, stagnated and not improved? Most likely.

So it is a good thing I was unsatisfied with myself most of my life, for it led to everything I am now, and I am proud of who I am now. I worked hard to be here.

However, what is the next step? Is self-hatred sustainable?

I think not. Of course you can carry self-hatred to your grave, and endlessly keep improving, but then

what is the point?

You'll be miserable most of your life, and - if feelings are important to you - then perhaps this isn't the best way to live.

There's a better way to do it.

Now that you have actually improved, you have something to be proud of. You have substantial evidence proving your progress. That is not something to turn an eye from.

In the beginning, self-hatred is okay.

To be honest, we may actually just be a piece of shit. We aren't born amazing - I don't care what anyone says. I also don't believe we are born with worth.

We are born worthless and we have to earn our worth. We are born skillless and we have to build our skills. So it is completely understandable and reasonable to hate yourself at the get-go. It's actually a good sign, it means you are aware of your potential.

Not everyone is aware of their potential, or aware of anything at all, and that is why they stagnate early on. The reason you feel pain is a good thing. It means you know what you could be - you just have to work hard to get there.

But now you worked hard, and got half-way there, now what?

The second stage in self-improvement is self-love, being proud of who you are becoming, and using that for fuel for growth.

Now since you have climbed half-way up the mountain, you can look down and see how far you've come. Now, you have something to be proud of.

That is your progress. Now you can transition from a burning sensation of inadequacy to a more balanced, nurturing feeling of unstoppable growth.

Now instead of being the brash youth eager to prove themselves, you can be the wiser sage, that knows what to work on. You can achieve the same end results in a calmer manner. From a position of confidence and power.

Because - now you have undeniable proof you are who you say you are, now you can just keep stacking that proof. Hoard it even, like a pile of gold, keep accumulating it, and your wealth of self-worth will keep growing.

Now you act with confidence and certainty, because you know who you are, and you are acting in a way that directly aligns with the higher version of yourself. It is at this point, you have entered into the second stage of self-improvement - where your growth becomes sustainable from a point of pride and self-love and your life becomes better.

Use pride and self-love to replace self-hatred as fuel for growth.

I wish you all a lovely day, and hope you have a great time in your own self-improvement journey. Keep fighting.

Warm Regards,

Jacob Pugmire